I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
