everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
