Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
