I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
