There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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