OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
