Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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