So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
