new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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