Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
