yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
