1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
