yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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