It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
