girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
