i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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