Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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