your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
