I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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