just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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