I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
