So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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