i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
