I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
