Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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