Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
