he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
