Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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