I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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