is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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