I just pynch a tree in the face
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
