Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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