i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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