my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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