The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize