Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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