Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
