A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
