What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
