I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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