i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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