You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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