Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
