I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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