At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
