He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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