I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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