I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
