That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
