Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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