I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
