hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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