her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
