i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't make out with my wife yet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize