A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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