hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My cat gives me a boner
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
