420 ftw
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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