I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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