it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
