So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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