I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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