yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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