You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
